Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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