Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
