I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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