its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
