He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
