Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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