my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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