Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
