Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
