I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
