I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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