we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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