you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
