Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
