Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
