so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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