If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
