look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my shit smells like andre
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
