Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
