If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
