i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
