I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
