sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
