I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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