I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
