the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My feet surprised me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
