in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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