I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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