Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
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He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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