bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
