Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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