I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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