I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
