Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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