remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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