I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
