We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
