thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
