Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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