They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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