when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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