I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
