i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
