Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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