It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
