Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
