I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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