oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
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