I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
