Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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