I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
