Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize