you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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