I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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