Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
