Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
