This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i've created a new STD.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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