You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
