The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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