Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
