I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
