Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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