Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I am available for nakedness
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize