people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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