Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
