Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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